Reading Response 6

Elisse Chow | November 5, 2023

This week, I'll be responding to the following principles from Artful Design Chapter 6, Game Design:

> Principle 6.1 Play is what we do when we are free; play is what we do to be free
> Principle 6.9 Play is free, voluntary, uncertain, unproductive by choice; it occurs in a separate space, isolated and protected from the rest of life

When it comes to the idea of play, it's sometimes so hard for me to extricate it from the feeling of guilt. This was especially true in high school, where most of my worries consisted of college applications and doing well in school. I also suffer from a major case of procrastination and sometimes writing paralysis due to fear of not doing well. And, to make matters worse, since for most of my life I did dance competitively, and had 20+ hour dance weeks, my understanding of time management was horrible. It still is sometimes, but work for me throughout that point in life was mainly motivated by deadlines and needing to complete it between practices and sleep.

I think I can say that college has definitely allowed me to set these boundaries for myself to allow myself fun and enjoyment without much guilt. But it's usually still there. I sometimes talk with my close friend about this, but now there are other worries like figuring out life after college and still trying to do well in my education. I think when I initially started this reflection, my goal was to talk about my relationship with dancing and how it was my play for the longest time. It seems to have taken a detour at this point, but I guess I can still talk through these thoughts.

I've forgotten if I have given context in another reading response, so I'll give a short one here. I've been dancing recreationally since I was three, and started dancing competitively when I was 5. It was my everything for the longest time—my passion, my friend, my expression, my identity. It was my safe space, until it wasn't. When my team became more focused on awards rather than empathy and collective artistry is when I quit dancing. It wasn't fun anymore. It wasn't safe. It was restrictive and divisive. I didn't pick it up again until coming to Stanford my sophomore year (class of 2024 meant my frosh year was online). That three year gap was difficult losing a love of my life, but so incredibly needed. Since sophomore year, I have been a pretty active member of the dance community taking part in around six different groups on campus, and I think I've reclaimed my sense of play. Not just in a team setting but really setting aside time for myself to just dance. Improvise. Pick up a song and create choreography for no reason and allow myself to explore.

Getting rid of guilt is still hard, but regardless I'm trying to make room for more play in my life.